Thursday, April 16, 2009

Top 10 Ways to (Legally) Torture Your Husband

Yesterday, my friend Crystal was having a rather crummy day. Apparently, it involved her husband getting into a minor fender bender and not telling her about it until after she discovered it on her own accord. Anyway, she asked for some ideas for how to torture her husband. Never passing up a request for help, I arose to the challenge. She insisted I share the list with you all.

So here are my top 10 ways for torturing one's husband:

10. Decide the family is going vegetarian for a week and refuse to cook any meat.

9. Delete all the DVRs of his yet-unseen favorite shows.

8. Go on a long drive in the car with him and sing Celine Dion songs the entire way.

7. Put all of his work slacks into the washer at night and "forget" to put them in the dryer so he has nothing to wear in the morning.

6. Invite your mother to come stay at your house for a week.

5. Spend all his discretionary "fun" money for the month on a new outfit for yourself.

4. Volunteer him to spend all day Saturday helping out an elderly neighbor with yard work.

3. Make plans to be out that evening and tell him right before you leave that he is in charge of figuring out dinner, entertaining the kids, bathing them and putting them to bed.

2. Tell him that you decided that birth control is now HIS responsibility.

1. Then dress up in sexy lingerie and refuse him sex :)

I think any one of these thing would probably put my husband over the edge!!!


  1. ah, passive aggression - my favorite kind of aggression. I love it

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  3. Chantelle....I LOVE these! I just totally snorted laughing at them. My husband would DIE! hahahaha

    Thanks for sharing you wisdom.

  4. A husband's response to proposed torture:

    10. Ouch...
    9. There's - and we know Internet and computers better than you!
    8. I'll be asleep, and wouldn't notice anything!
    7. Doesn't matter, I just won't go to work!
    6. Oh, that's cruel...oh, so cruel!
    5. Sneaky...very...sneaky...
    4. What a great idea! Seriously!
    3. Good thing my parents are only 7 miles away!
    2. That's messed up...
    1. That's cold...

    You came up with this on your own?

  5. i love learning new ways of torture.

  6. Hey, Chantelle! I love the new blog, especially the menu for the week! It gives me ideas. I think that not serving meat to Alex for 1 week would make him go crazy, without a doubt. I once brought him a bagel to eat, with cream cheese perhaps, and his reaction was, "No meat?" -Patty