Isn't It Ironic?

Isn't it ironic ...

*  That every time you put a clean cover on the changing pad, the baby immediately finds a way to soil it?  The same thing goes for new sheets on the bed.

*  That every time your kid swears to you he's so sick he is DYING and you rush him to the pediatrician or emergency room, once you get there he is all of a sudden fine?

*  That every time you finally get the laundry completely DONE, the kids change into pajamas and the laundry bins are half full again (and in this situation, half full does not connote optimism)?

*  That without fail, your toddler manages to have an accident, or your baby a blow out, the one time you forget to shove a spare outfit into the diaper bag?

*  How kids ONLY ever seem to puke on MOM???

*   That every time your child swears he's looked everywhere for his shoes, homework, special toy, etc., it ends up being right where you told him it was in the first place?  Selective blindness maybe?

And the list goes on and on.  Its enough to drive any mother to repeatedly bang her head against the wall.  Oh, the joys.....

Top 10 Ways to (Legally) Torture Your Husband

Yesterday, my friend Crystal was having a rather crummy day. Apparently, it involved her husband getting into a minor fender bender and not telling her about it until after she discovered it on her own accord. Anyway, she asked for some ideas for how to torture her husband. Never passing up a request for help, I arose to the challenge. She insisted I share the list with you all.

So here are my top 10 ways for torturing one's husband:

10. Decide the family is going vegetarian for a week and refuse to cook any meat.

9. Delete all the DVRs of his yet-unseen favorite shows.

8. Go on a long drive in the car with him and sing Celine Dion songs the entire way.

7. Put all of his work slacks into the washer at night and "forget" to put them in the dryer so he has nothing to wear in the morning.

6. Invite your mother to come stay at your house for a week.

5. Spend all his discretionary "fun" money for the month on a new outfit for yourself.

4. Volunteer him to spend all day Saturday helping out an elderly neighbor with yard work.

3. Make plans to be out that evening and tell him right before you leave that he is in charge of figuring out dinner, entertaining the kids, bathing them and putting them to bed.

2. Tell him that you decided that birth control is now HIS responsibility.

1. Then dress up in sexy lingerie and refuse him sex :)

I think any one of these thing would probably put my husband over the edge!!!

Insanity: Repeatedly doing the same thing over expecting a different result

Many moons ago, I was in the habit of leaving the laundry detergent bottle on top of the washing machine (we have an upright) because it had the dispening spout, and it was just easier that way. Well, on one occassion, this proved to be not such a great idea, as the violent shaking of the washer caused it to fall off the top, break, and spill detergent all over.

So, for about a year and a half I have refrained from putting the detergent on top of the washer. Until recently. I don't know why I started doing it again. I KNEW that it could fall. But I thought "well, if I put it near the center, it won't fall, right?" WRONG. This is just further evidence of what I have suspected all along - I am insane.

Last night, I heard a loud thud. I looked around the house to see if anything had fallen, and didn't notice anything out of place. This morning, I got up to work out and went to take the laundry that I had put into the washer last night before bed and put it into the dryer. I opened the door to the laundry room and was greeted by a large pool of sticky, slippery detergent ALLLLLLL over the laundry room floor.

S&!#. I didn't have time for this! And how was I going to clean it up?? I grabbed some towels, but I'd soak an entire towel without making a dent in the pool of detergent. Kind of like trying to empty the bathtub with a tablespoon. I am standing there brainstorming more efficient ways of cleaning up the mess (in hopes of removing all evidence of my idiocy before Ace woke up and hit me with "I told you so"), when it struck me...

So, I present to you the perfect tools for cleaning up massive amounts of spilled laundry detergent (ya know, in case you ever do the same stupid thing): a spatula, a Spider Man plastic place mat (which is supposed to be going into Carter's Easter basket), a mixing bowl and some car detailing cloths. Simply squigie the detergent onto the place mat, and pour into the bowl. When the majority is up, use the car detailing cloths to wipe up the remainder. I'm still going to have to figure out how to get the residue off the concrete floor, as that will be hazardous when wet, but for now, I am satisfied by my effiency and ingenuity.

Yes people, insanity breeds ingenuity!

(Please ignore the lame attempt to make myself feel better for being so dumb in the first place!).

And in completely random news - I finished reading The Appeal (which ticked me off royally! the "good guy" is supposed to win!) and have moved on to Eat, Pray, Love. I'm 4 chapters in and HOOKED. Anyone care to read along?