Tuesday, April 7, 2009

A day in the life of Elle...

Tonight I suffer from "I've sat on my butt and can't get up" syndrome. I need to get up and do about a gazillion things, but my energy and motivation are both sapped. Perhaps this is due to the fact that Carter was up 2/3 of the night last night puking. So, I only really slept from 3 a.m. to 5:30 a.m. when Bennett woke up to eat. Or perhaps I've just become lazy. Maybe both.

One thing is for sure, momma needs to make some changes around here and get her act together. I've been blaming my messy house and neglected piles of work on the fact that I'm adjusting to the new challenge of working full time with TWO children, instead of the one I had mastered previously. But, um....Bennett is 11 months old now. Its time I dug my heels in the ground and whipped my life into shape, don't ya think??? The problem is that now I have twice as much that needs to be done in half the time. So, I need to learn how to be more efficient (just when I thought that wasn't possible)!

This is a sampling of a day in the life of Elle:

5:30 a.m. - I wake up to feed Bennett. If I'm not being a TOTAL lazy bum (which I am about 9 times out of 10), I will trudge down to the basement and crawl onto to treadmill in a pathetic effort to shed these last 10 (or 15....0r 20....you take your pick) pounds of baby weight. If I AM being a lazy bum, I will crawl back in bed until I start getting that panicky feeling in my stomach that if I don't get up soon, the whole morning will crash down around me (i.e. the children will wake up). So then I shower and get dressed.

7:30 a.m. - The monsters...er...children...begin waking for the day. Most mornings I have to toss Bennett on top of Carter to slobber on him and pull his hair in order to compel his butt into action. Then Bennett and Carter "race" to see who can get dressed the fastest, with Carter whining and screeching "no mom...don't let Bennett win!!!" the whole while. Once that monumentous task is accomplished, I drag them downstairs for breakfast. Carter spends 30 minutes trying to decide what to eat for breakfast. I throw some Cheerios on Bennett's tray while I set about making my and Carter's lunches for the day. I yell at Carter to EAT and then I pack my pump bag and my work bag and then Carter's school bag. Then, if I have a minute or two left, I yell at Carter again that he's going to starve unless he inhales his food in the next two minutes, and then I inhale my food (oatmeal with peanut butter and berries every.single.morning - its supposed to be good for breastfeeding). Then I yell at Carter to PLEASE brush his teeth now and find his shoes. Then I yell at Ace to PLEASE get Bennett's bottle ready, he's starting to melt down.

8:15, or 8:30, or 8:45, and sometimes on a really bad day, 9:15 - Carter and I leave the house. I drop Carter off at preschool, 9 times out of 10 exasperatedly apologizing to his teacher for him being late once AGAIN and coming up with some lame excuse as to why. Then I battle my fellow commuters all the way down I-95 and try to sneak into my office without any of the partners noticing how late it is....

Somewhere between 9 and 10 a.m. - I plant myself behind my computer and start to work. Or... check emails, check blogs, check message boards, update my Facebook status... Then I freak out that thirty minutes (or an hour) has passed and I haven't billed a single minute yet. So, then I fervently work for a few hours until I get distracted by the internet once again. Then I waste more time playing around, then panic because "omg, I have to leave in two hours and I still haven't finished drafting this stupid motion or called back opposing counsel or researched that issue..." You'd think I would LEARN my lesson, huh? But I've already explained to you all that I am insane.

5:00 - Ace begins to send me panicky emails, text messages or IMs inquiring as to when I will be home. By 5:30 I usually give in and log off and crawl back onto I-95 for the northward commute home. I usually hit a decent amount of traffic at this time, so I take advantage of the downtime to harass my mom with yet another phone call, or my best friend if she has a minute free from her newborn son to listen to my nonsense. If I've phone stalked everyone on my Contacts list enough in recent history, I resort to listening to books on tape. I know, I sound like my dad now...

6:00 - It hardly matters what time I leave the office, I always seem to get home at 6. I greet the children who attach themselves to me like barnacle and try to use any free appendages I may have to cook dinner. Ace greets me with a hello if I'm lucky, but usually with the same old "I'm crazy busy today" and heads back up to his office. He reappears for 30 minutes after dinner is ready to eat with us (how nice of him) and then disappears again, usually for the remainder of the night.

7:00 - I bathe Bennett. Carter either "helps" me or plays on the computer or causes some brand of mischief around the house. Then I nurse Bennett and put him to bed.

7:30 - I fight with Carter for 30 minutes about whether or not its a bath night and whether he can go to the basement to play for "just a little bit." I usually cave under the pleading of his big brown eyes, and we spend some quality time together. Then I get him his "bednight" snack and read him his "bednight story(ies)" and say goodnight. That usually happens around 9 p.m. His bedtime is supposed to be 8:30, but since Bennett emerged on the scene, it just isn't possible.

So, at this point, as you can clearly see, I'm exhausted. So, I find myself sitting here tonight staring at the mounds of dishes to be done, a kitchen to clean up, a basket full of laundry to fold, Cheerios to pick up off the floor, several HOURS of work to make up for since I was a lazy bum at the office today, and the clock advancing all too quickly.

I know what I need to do, I just can't bring myself to do it because, well...my butt hit the chair. Now I can't peel myself off. And therein lies my problem. I need to get rid of all my chairs.

So, tell me please - how can I get my mojo back? Or where can I buy a new one???


  1. First of all, you don't suck! You're an amazing woman and just reading that entry makes me say WOW!!!!!!! Since I have no children yet, I'm afraid I can't offer you any sound advice as to how to get your mojo back. All I can say is that I have faith you in and know that you (of all people) will find a way to manage all of the things on your plate. I will say an extra prayer for you tonight :) Your boys are so blessed to have you in their lives!

  2. Hahaha -- "I have faith you in" you know what I mean!!!! I guess dyslexia is setting in!!

  3. 1. Consume more Starbucks
    2. Put thumb tacks on all of your chairs
    3. Sell anything you can to afford a cleaning lady
    4. Douse yourself in wine every other night and deem your house a party zone- they're supposed to be messy and crazy!

  4. Unfortunately you have to learn to live with some kind of mess in the house at all times. And it doesn't get any better as they get older since then they just make bigger messes and despite knowing HOW to pick things up they never seem to... Learn that there will never be enough hours in the day for everything and learn to do what HAS to be done and don't stress about everything else. Don't forget that part of what HAS to be done is to enjoy your kids! As hard as that is some days!

  5. I totally feel you on the oatmeal. I eat it every day too. I have started making it with chocolate soy milk from time to time to trick myself into thinking that it's something new.