I want really badly to bluff right now and tell you all that I had a GREAT day, worked out hardcore and ate like a bird. But alas, that would defeat the whole purpose of posting these mundane details - to be held accountable.
So, I will brace myself for the tongue-lashing. Here goes:
My alarm went off at 5 a.m., but instead of hitting snooze, I turned it off, thinking, "I'll get up in just a minute." Two hours later, I wake up to Bennett calling "mama, mama, mama." Classic. So, no workout this morning.
It was a hectic morning because Ace had an early appointment and I had to get Carter to school and rush home to finish up some work before I had to be at a mediation. So, I poured Carter some Cinnamon Toast Crunch per his request. I go about packing his lunch, dressing children, and generally running around exasperatedly. Carter refused to eat his breakfast, feigning a stomach ache. Well, I hadn't eaten yet and we were on the 5 minute countdown to blast off, so I downed his uneaten bowel of sugary cereal with lightening speed.
I came home, rushed to get some work done before I had to leave. The mediation started at noon, so I had to find something quick to eat at home. So, what makes more sense than an almond butter and jelly sandwich? It was all organic, so that counts for something, right??
Well, the mediation turned out to be a COLOSSAL waste of time and money since the other side basically refused to even really mediate (even though THEY suggested the mediation...). Four hours later, I trudge back home and needed to find something to quell the hunger pangs. Of course, Doritos are the only solution, right? I mean, some fat free Greek yogurt or a nectarine just would never do! Ugh.
So, in no time we're rushing out of the house again to take Carter to tee-ball practice. And since I'm operating on genius-mode today, I suggest we grab some KFC at the drive through and picnic at the field. Then I proceed to gorge on two pieces of grilled chicken breast, potato wedges and Pepsi. Nice.
After tee-ball (which warrants a whole 'nother post all by itself), we rush to church to attend the Good Friday mass. Mass was at 8:00 p.m., which is prime melt-down time for tired kids. Bennett actually was pretty darn good in comparison to some of the other demonstrations we witnessed, but we still had to dart early so not as to screw up our kids' sleep schedules too much. Utterly stressed out and exhausted from this whirlwind day, my eyes became fixated on the Dove chocolate bunny my mom sent me for Easter. "I'll just eat the ears," I reason. Well folks, there is a half-eaten bunny sitting on my counter at the moment. Who wants to cast bets that the entire thing will be gone before tomorrow - given my stellar exhibition of self-control today???
All I can do is shake my head. This has self-sabotage written all over it. Three days in a row of screwing up. I need a shot of will power. Because THIS my dear friends is my pattern and the very reason why I've been chubbnormous for the past nearly two years since Bennett was born. Must.break.the.cycle!!!
Phew - it felt good to get it off my chest. Bring on the chastisement so that I double-think before I put crap into my mouth, knowing I will have to confess my sins to the interwebs!
Hugs! How I got started I eliminated all the crap food from the house.
ReplyDeleteI do not think that your a horrible person b/c you didn't eat perfectly! From what I have seen and read you are an awesome mother of two boys and right now that is your primary job. I have sat in church many times listening to priest talk about how mothers will confess guilt that they missed church, or they didn't pray or work out b/c they were taking kids to school/practice/doctors etc... The priests response was "you are doing gods work". When you miss a workout don't feel so guilty about it. I think that you are doing just what you need/want to be doing and thats taking care of your kids. I know that the workouts are important to you and every mother needs to do something for themself...baby steps. Maybe you aim for 3 days a week, better food options, but in my opinion I wouldn't feel guilty about it.
ReplyDeleteAlice Ann and Erin bring up good points- it helps to eliminate some junk food from the house so it's not there to tempt you and it's also helpful to phase in working out/dieting so you're not left feeling guilty when you have a bad day. I'd aim or 3-4 exercise/diet days and have 2-3 "less intensive" days. You can work yourself up to 6-7 days of working out and dieting... I'm just suggesting what works for me. I realize you may have different goals, and I am not trying to diminish them in any way. But I think Erin brings up a good point- you are busting your butt taking care of your kids and career- and that's worth feeling good about whether you pop a few Doritos or not. There is a cycle that needs to be broken, but give it time. It will happen one small step at a time!
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