I did it!!! TERM!!!

As of December 5, 2010, I am officially 37 weeks and FULL TERM!!!!!

I was told at the beginning of this pregnancy that because of the reasons for my son Bennett's preterm birth, I had a 30% chance of giving birth prematurely again.   Now, 30% sounds really high when you are talking about your baby!!!  I'll admit, I was a nervous wreck. 

And it wasn't exactly smooth-sailing.  I did have some issues with pre-term labor, including a stint in Labor and Delivery at 28 weeks where I had to be given Terbutaline to stop my 4-minutes-apart contractions that caused me to start dilating and effacing.  The doctor gave me a stern warning that I was "very high risk" for delivering preterm and should take all precautions necessary to keep my contractions under control.  I have a very irritable uterus though, so controling the contractions was a difficult task.  By 32 weeks, I was 2 cm dilated and 50% effaced.  And a nervous wreck.  But the weeks kept passing by and I was still pregnant!!!

So, with several lifestyle restrictions (no lifting over 10 lbs, no exercise beyond light walking, etc.), 19 weekly injections of hydroxyprogeterone into my bum, and 8 cervial surveillance ultrasounds, I did it - I made it to term!!!

Making it this far stirred up a whole pot of emotions.  If I didn't realize before how EARLY 30 weeks is to be born, feeling the difference between 30 and 37 weeks with this pregnancy made it very real.  I am just so happy and thankful to know that Miss Isla won't have to suffer the way her brother did.  I am happy to know she has the best start in life - every baby deserves that! 

As we were counting down the hours until I hit 37 weeks (and yes, I did stay up until midnight!) and it became obvious by 6:00 p.m. of 36w6d that she wasn't coming that evening, I turned to my husband and said "Aren't you so happy we changed our minds and decided to have another baby??"  You see, for a long while after Bennett was born, there was no way I would even contemplate risking having another baby.  I just couldn't go through it again, and I couldn't put another baby through that.  Obviously, I changed my mind.  And I'm so glad I did.  Because, even though she isn't here yet, I cannot even imagine never having Isla. 

FULL TERM BABY!!!!!

Half Baked

In honor of Prematurity Awareness Month, I snagged a copy of this new book Half Baked from the library.  Now, I don't have much time, or energy, to read these days for pleasure.  But, I ripped through this book in less than a week!

The author is the mom of a 25-weeker who chronicles the challenges of her pregnancy, hospital bed rest, delivery and her daughter's journey through the NICU.  It was great to read the "inner thoughts" of someone else who has been through a very similar experience.  And our stories have many eery parallels.

I highly recommend this book to anyone who is a NICU mom! 

I do have some criticisms though.  First, the author seems to resort to using her thesaurus too much, plugging in $.25 words in ways that do not flow naturally.  I mean, really, the word "soporific" shouldn't appear more than once in a book of this length.  I felt it detracted from her otherwise witty and "light" prose that made the book enjoyable (and easier to swallow given the gravity of its subject matter).  

Second, the author threw some stinging jabs at moms of preemies who weren't as sick or as premature as her daughter - as if our experiences weren't "bad enough."  I don't think it was her intention, and I can relate on many levels to what she was saying.  Its hard to be sympathetic when you are in the throes of the NICU toward moms of babies who were born weeks later than yours, and whose only "challenge" is to overcome some apnea or reflux issues.  When you are in that hell, those things seem trivial compared to the challenge of simply trying to get your baby to BREATHE on their own.  However, one mom's experience shouldn't diminish anothers.  You really cannot compare preemies.  I know I felt jealousy and resentment whenver I would hear of a baby who was Bennett's gestational age or younger who was doing better than he was.  Silly really.  I should be HAPPY that another baby isn't struggling as much as mine!  But, the NICU can make you a bit psychotic.  Regardless, I am assuming the book was intended to appeal to a wide-range of preemie-parents.  If were me I'd have softened that discussion a little more. 

Anyway - its still a great book, and it was great to hear that I'm not the only crazy psychotic preemie mom out there.  Read it!

Shooting Up

Last week, I met with my Perinatologist (a doctor specializing in high risk pregnancies) to discuss our plan of attack to help prevent another preemie. Because I had a preterm premature rupture of membranes (pProm) with Bennett, there is a 31% chance that it will happen again. Now, that 31% figure comes from a study that looked at all moms with a history of pProm - which included known and unknown reasons and risk factors. We don't know why I ruptured so early with Bennett. It could have been a total fluke! Or, there could have been something going on that they could never find that caused it. But, its maddening because without knowning the cause, its very difficult to assess my true risk for a repeat pProm AND to take appropriate precautions to prevent it.

That said, even with known causes, its pretty diffficult to prevent pProm. The Perinatologist recommended weekly 17 p (hydroxyprogesterone) shots, bi-weekly ultrasounds of my cervix (because a common cause is "funneling" at the top of the cevix, leaving the amniotic sac unsupported), lifting no more than 10 lbs, and restricting exercise to light walking. I am also Group B Strep positive, and will be monitored for that and possible spread of infection throughout my pregnancy.

So, the next day, I go to my regular OB check up and report these recommendations to my doctor, who should be the one to prescribe and administer the shots for me. Despite my Perinatologist's recommendation for the shots, my OB was very resistant to it and was trying very hard to convince me that I did not need them.

The 17p shots were designed to help prevent preterm labor. They work by keeping the uterus calm, hoping to keep you from having any contractions. Since I was not having contractions when I came into the hospital after my "full" rupture, my OB said he doesn't think that was the cause of my rupture and therefore the shots won't help me.

That would make sense EXCEPT for the fact that I have a very irritable uterus in general. I have already been having contractions here and there with this pregnancy, and I'm still a few days away from 15 weeks! Furthermore, I actually started leaking fluid at 21 weeks - three weeks before I was admitted to the hospital. Who knows if I was contracting then or not! And the day that I ruptured, I was having contractions on and off the whole day. They weren't regular contractions, so I assumed they were Braxton Hicks - but WHO KNOWS!? The point is, we don't know. But if there is a chance these shots could help me prevent putting another baby through hell, I'm going to do it!

Then my OB had the nerve to say - "Yes, but you realize that this is an added cost [the co-pays] and pain and inconvenience for you?" Does the man not realize that I would hang from the ceiling by my ankles for the rest of my pregnancy if I thought it would keep this baby in? Does he think I care that it will hurt or cost $10 a week? He has obviously never had to sit at his child's bedside daily for nine weeks watching him struggle to breathe. I would do ANYTHING to keep that from happening to this baby.

I was already looking for a new provider before this happened, but now, I feel all the moreso that I need to do just that...

So, starting at 18 weeks, I get to have a shot in the bum every week. Fun, fun, fun! Now, all I need are volunteers to administer them....

Worth it

It's a good thing he's worth it.

If you've noticed the new grey hairs and wrinkles I've acquired in the last two years, its not old age. I'm a few months shy of 29! Nope, I've got one word for you - Bennett.

Worry. Bennett. Worry. I'm starting to think they are synonyms.

He's happy. He's progressing. He's relatively healthy. But still, I worry. I can't help it. I'm his mommy.

Having a child with special medical needs sure takes a lot of you. I should be grateful, because I know others face much bigger challenges than we do. But we deal with a lot.

I keep a medical journal for Bennett. Here is what's been going on lately:

12/30 - Bennett Synagis shot.
1/7 - Bennett appointment with pulmonologist - she's not a happy doc, ordered sweat test and another increase in calories.
1/25 - Sweat test for cystic fibrosis at Childrens National. Negative!!!
1/29 - Bennett Synagis shot. Nurse Prac worried because no weight gain in past 3 months. Conference call Monday morning, most likely a GI an Endo consult.
2/1 - Speech therapy - still delayed but progressing along well at his own pace.
2/12 - Bennett starts wheezing in the morning, but nightfall he's back on oral steroids.
2/13 - Bennett barely made it through the night without a trip to the ER and that is WITH the steroids - take him to the Pediatrician and she gives him Atrovent which opens him right now. He has a sneaky ear infection, so she prescribes him antibiotics for that too. Phew - we escaped the dreaded hospital again! Score!
2/16 - Weaned Bennett off the oral steroids.
2/23 - Took Bennett to the Pediatric Gastroenterology Clinic at Johns Hopkins. The doc who saw him said we're doing everything right - adding in extra calories and fats and trying to eek in every calorie we can. So, he ordered a TON of bloodwork to try to see what the heck is causing Bennett's Failure to Thrive. Plebotomists were incompetent and dug in his arm for several minutes before determining they couldn't tap a vein. So I have to take him back. Lovely.

Everyday, we spend 40 minutes giving him breathing treatments. Everyday, I measure out his medications. Everyday, I mentally tally up how many calories he's eaten.

Its so much. Unrelenting. I thought that if I make it far enough along in my pregnancy, he'd be fine! I made it 30 weeks! Six weeks past my complete rupture and nine weeks past the point when I started leaking fluid. Everything I've read says 30-weekers tend to have very few long-term medical issues! Most outgrow the effects of prematurity by age two.

Not Bennett. Like my friend W said - they don't have a growth chart for Bennett's special circumstances. Nor is there a "What to Expect." I never know what to expect. When I go in expecting great news - I am faced with disappointment. When I go in with a laundry list of worries, the docs gush about how great he is doing. I never know.

Screw law school. I should have gone to medical school. Maybe then I'd feel more qualified to be a mother to this precious little miracle.

Its a darn good thing he's worth it! Worth every bit of it.

On a side note - Bennett went poopy in the potty for the first time today!!!! GO BENNETT!!!

Bennett, Bennett, Bennett....

I took Bennett for his pulmonology appointment today. His last one was 6 months ago. At his last appointment, she prescribed him an oral steroid to take whenever he was starting to have respiratory distress and his rescue meds weren't keeping him clear at least 4 hours. The goal was to try to keep him out of the hospital as much as possible because the last two times he was in (May and July), she believes they misdiagnosed his BPD (scarring in his lungs) for pneumonia since they look so similar on x-ray. Well, as you know, he hasn't been in the hospital since July BUT we've had him on four rounds of the oral steroids then. Basically, whenever he gets the slightest cold he ends up needing it. She really wasn't happy with this and said this is way too much steroids for a baby to be taking and a signal that his condition is not well controlled. She also heard wheezing in his lungs and I told her that whenever he's running around and really active, he will get very short of breath and wheeze. She wasn't happy with that either. So, she is doubling the concentration of the inhaled steroid we do in his nebulizer twice a day. Hopefully, this will keep him more open and its less dangerous than the oral steroids.

She also wants to get him tested for Cystic Fibrosis, since he shows several signs of having it - poorly controlled asthma, difficulty growing (more on that in a minute), and excessive amount of bowel movements (he seriously poops 5 times a day). I told her that I tested negative for the gene, but she said that they are discovering new strains that aren't detected by the test they give pregnant women. So, we're going to be taking him for a sweat test to see if possible he has one of those strains of CF. Man, I really hope not. I'm seriously sick to my stomach thinking about it. Anne - HELP!?!

Now, as for the growth, she isn't happy with that either. He was 9kg exactly, which puts him just shy of 20 lbs. He was 29.5 inches long (they use a board that is sooo much more accurate than the line drawing Peds do in the office). Of course, he is still under 1 percentile, but the troubling thing is that he fell from 50th percentile in his weight-to-height ratio at his last visit to between 10 and 15th percentile this appointment. In other words, he's gotten skinnier. Technically, he is failure to thrive. But because of his underlying health conditions, she wants to give it some more time before she officially diagnoses him, to avoid stigma, particularly during school years. So...in addition to pushing Pediasure, we are now supposed to up his bottles from 2 a day to 3 a day and fortify his whole milk with the instant breakfast mix stuff to add calories and nutrients.

On a positive note, she said he is clearly VERY happy. And she was very very pleased with his physical development and was glad that he was getting speech therapy because she could tell just from hearing him that he had low tone in his mouth.

So, there ya have it.

National Prematurity Awareness Day: Some Scars Never Fade

You know our story. My water broke when I was 24 weeks pregnant with my second son Bennett. Bennett did a kick-butt job of staying put, beyond all odds imaginable, until he decided at 30 weeks gestation that he'd had enough. He was born ten weeks early.

I've told you all before about the medical challenges Bennett has faced - the severe respiratory distress syndrome that later turned into bronchopulmonary dysplasia (chronic lung disease), his acute anemia, the severe calcium deficiency, and a slew of other more minor issues. So, what I want to tell you about today is the part of prematurity that most do not know about. The emotional scars. I thank the Lord daily that Bennett will not remember those very difficult times. But we do. His mommy, daddy, big brother, grandparents, aunts and uncles, and friends - those of use who peered in at him through the tiny hole of the isolette for weeks and weeks on end. Those of us who held our breaths, both in awe and fear. We all shed tears. That is our burden to carry, and gladly we shall, so that this precious little one never has to.

But there are some scars that do not fade.

The scars left when the neonatologist warns you merely minutes before you are wheeled into the operating room that your baby's lungs may be too compromised to survive. That the best case scenario she expects is that he will be a ventilator, and the worst case is that his lungs are too underdeveloped and brittle from the lack of amniotic fluid to be ventilated.


The scar that is left upon a mother who gets to see her newborn baby for only a few seconds before he is whisked away to a fate yet unknown. Who does not get to see her baby, aside from photographs, for the following 22 hours because neither he nor she is stable enough. Who does not get to hold her baby for the first time until he is a week old.

Scars that are left from the sight of one's child on life support, with countless wires and tubes coming out of them. Of not remembering what your child's face looks like, because you only caught a brief glimpse of it before it was covered up for weeks by tubes and tape. Of not knowing from day to day what will happen, and knowing that at any moment, things could turn for the worse.

The scars that are left on a family divided for months. From trying to explain to a big brother why he can only see his baby once a week for only a few minutes at a time, and that the baby is too sick to be touched. From trying to be brave for that big brother and assure him that everything will be ok, when you yourself aren't so sure you are telling the truth.

The scars that are left from doing the "preemie dance" for 9 long weeks - because just when things seem like they are getting better and you are making progress, your baby suffers a major set back. From going home night after night knowing that you are leaving your newborn baby alone in a box with strangers.

Scars that are left from finally getting to bring your baby home at 9 weeks old, but knowing that he still needs oxygen supplementation to breathe and a monitor to make sure he doesn't stop breathing. From the looks that strangers give you when they see your baby like this. And later on, the strange looks people give you when you tell them how old your child is, but he looks half his age.

The other day, I was looking at Bennett's heels, examining the physical scars that were left from the countless hundreds of cuts that were made to collect blood from him, sometimes hourly, while he was in the NICU. The scars are so faded now, that unless you knew they were there, you probably would not notice them. I am thankful that the physical scars are all but gone now. But, all too aware, a year and a half out, that some scars will never fade.

But, I want to tell you the joys too! Oh the JOY! Joys I never would have experienced in the same way if Bennett had been born a healthy full term child. Joys I didn't experience with nearly the same intensity when my first son Carter was born healthy and full-term.

The joy and relief we felt when we heard our son cry!!! upon birth!

The extreme joy that we felt when we finally got to hold our newborn baby a whole week after he was born!

The joy and awe of seeing one of God's real-life-living-breathing MIRACLES on this earth! And he's ours!

That intense and unyielding joy you can feel only upon the occassion of bringing your newborn baby into your home at 9 weeks old. Of finally being together as a family! Of not having to make those midnight drives to and from the hospital ever again!

The joy of taking him for a pulmonology appointment and seeing that he was saturating 99% oxygen on his own!

The joy we felt when he finally fit into a size 0-3 month outfit at 4 months old!

The JOY we felt when he smiled at us for the first time at 18 weeks old!!!! And the heightened joy and awareness of the gift of each successive milestone - rolling over, sitting up, standing, walking, the first word!

Oh, the joy that comes from looking at my happy and thriving toddler and knowing that I have been blessed beyond comprehension and measure.

So, please, let's fight together so that fewer babies have to endure such struggles and fewer families have to suffer so much pain. Pain that cuts deep and never completely goes away!!!

National Prematurity Day: Did you know?

In honor of Prematurity Awareness Day, I will be posting a series of blogs on this topic throughout the day. I ask that you join me in spreading awareness of the crisis of pregnancy and share information with the ones you love. If you feel called to do something, please consider donating to the March of Dimes' Fight for Preemies to aid in their life-saving research.

Before my own son was born ten weeks too soon, I knew very little about prematurity. I had no idea the long-lasting health and developmental repercussions that came with premature birth. Nor did I realize just how sick and fragile these precious babies start out. I certainly had no idea that so many lost the battle. That is why I want to share that information with you.

Did you know....

That 1 out of every 8 babies born in the United States will be premature (born before 37 weeks gestation)? That's 12.5% of all babies. 1,400 babies born premature every day. The only continent with a worst prematurity rate than North America is Africa.

That the prematurity rate has risen by 36% in the last 25 years? The only "good" news about that is the rise has been mostly attributable to an increase in late preterm births between 34 and 36 weeks gestational age.

That prematurity is the single greatest cause of perinatal death? Nearly 28% of babies who die in the first month, die from complications of prematurity.

That of the 13 Million Babies born this year worldwide, an astonishing 1 Million will die?

That only 17% of babies born at 23 weeks survive?

That only 39% of babies born at 24 weeks survive?

That only 50% of babies born at 25 weeks survive?

That most doctors will not intervene medically to help a baby born before 24 weeks?

That the youngest preemie to survive was born at 21 weeks and 5 days gestation and the smallest preemie to ever survive was only 9.9 ounces and 9.5 inches long at birth?

That ten percent of those born premature will develop a permanent disability such as chronic lung disease (my son Bennett), cerebral palsy, blindness or deafness?

That half of all babies born before 26 weeks gestational age are disabled?

That some of the most common complications a preemie born before 34 weeks gestational age include respiratory distress syndrome (RDS), bleeding in the brain, patent ductus ateriosus (PDA), necrotizing enterocolitis (NEC - an infection of the bowel), and retinopathy of prematurity (ROP - the nerves in the eyes grow through the retinas and can lead to vision loss)?

That the risks of prematurity persist even after the baby is "ok" and into adulthood? Preemies are much more likely to be infertile, much more likely to suffer learning disabilities and more likely to die at an earlier age.

Yes, prematurity is a BIG problem indeed.

So, what can you do???

1. Support the March of Dimes. The March of Dimes has funded and supported research that has led to amazing tools to fight prematurity. Two of the most amazing accomplishments include the use of surfactant (an enzyme which is injected into the lungs of babies with respiratory distress to keep the lungs from collapsing, since many preemies cannot produce surfactant on their own) and the use of steroids to quickly advance the baby's lung development when a mother is at acute risk of delivering premature.

2. Educate yourself on the signs and symptoms of pre-term labor, pre-ecclampsia, preterm rupture of membranes, placental abruption - some of the main causes of premature birth.

3. Take folic acid even if you are not planning on getting pregnant, and definitely for a full year before you plan to try to conceive! A recent study showed a huge decrease in the rates of very premature births in women who took folic acid for a full year before they conceived!! How easy is that!?

4. Volunteer!

Let's band together and get this information OUT in the hopes that TOGETHER we can reduce the risk of prematurity. No baby should have to suffer so much so early. Every baby deserves the best start possible!

Watching Words

A very vivid memory has been haunting my thoughts today.

On Friday, March 21, 2008, the day I turned 24 weeks pregnant, I had a conversation with a co-worker, another attorney at my firm, about my pregnancy. I exclaimed to him that I felt like I had been pregnant FOREVER, and did not know how I would last another 16 weeks. My co-worker agreed that indeed it did seem as if my pregnancy was progressing rather slowly.

(In my defense, I suffered hyperemesis for the first 20 or so weeks, so every day during that time felt like seven.)

On Saturday, March 22, 2008, I was standing at my kitchen counter assembling a lasagna, when I felt the unmistakable sensation of my water breaking. I was 24 weeks and 1 day pregnant.

Many times over the ensuing months that followed, my words to my co-worker have echoed in the recesses of my mind. And while I know that what happened was a fluke - nothing I did caused it - I cannot help but having that sickening feeling of dreadful guilt over my comments.

So now, every time I hear a pregnant woman make similar, perfectly normal and common statements, my stomach falls to my feet and I want to scream - NO!!! Don't say that! Don't even dare think it. Because it just might come true.

I know, I never in a million years thought it would happen to me either.

Bennett is 18 months old!!!

Well, as of yesterday - I'm a little slow.

Here are his 18 month stats:
Weight - 19 lbs 6 oz - 0.3th percentile
Length - 30'' - 3.3th percentile
Head - 47'' - 20th percentile!!

Some news and happenings with Little B -

Last week, his developmental nurse declared that he has fully caught up to his adjusted age for fine and gross motor skills, and is about 80% caught up to actual age, so she discharged him from physical therapy.

He is, however, at about the level of a 12 month old in speech, so he will begin speech therapy very soon. He says "dada," "Ace" and "light." The thing they are most concerned about is he doesn't say "mama" and doesn't have any "word" for use in referencing me or Carter at all. They think he may have some low muscle tone in his mouth making it difficult for him to form words. Receptive language seems to be very good, as he will point to objects on the page when asked, and follows commands. They are also having us do some electrical stimulation of his cheek muscles and tongue to help strenghten them. We just use an electric toothbrush and massage, and he loves it!

He needs to see a pediatric dentist soon b/c his teeth aren't properly developing. They are very sharp and some of them are brown and very soft. The Ped said the brown spots are very common in preemies with respiratory problems, as it signals oxygen deprivation, and it usually doesn't cause any problems with the adult teeth. However, Bennett has always had very low calcium levels, because babies get the majority of the calcium they need in the last 2 months of pg for bone and tooth development, and he was 2.5 mons early. He's been on calcium supplements since birth, and the labs show that his bone development is good (whereas before he was borderline Ricketts). But the Ped. said the body prioritized and the teeth got the short end of the distribution. She isn't sure what the dentist will want to do, but said in some cases they put an enamel coating over the teeth to strengthen them and prevent break-off. Its not "urgent" that he sees the dentist right away, but we should do so before he is two.

His last opthamology exam was excellent and his retinas have developed beautifully and his sight is perfect for his age!! So, it looks like we are out of the woods for the usual preemie vision problems, at least for now. He doesn't need to go back for another year! WOOT!

The Ped. said Bennett is maintaining a good growth velocity, but his weight to height ratio is starting to skew a little more. She suggested that we add olive oil to his food for more fat and calories. He's a great eater and drinks about 20 ounces of whole milk a day and nurses twice a day still. He could use a little more meat on his bones though, and he is VERY active now that he's mastered the art of walking (and climbing and causing mischief of all varieties)!!! I REALLY thought he was going to break the 20 lb mark this visit, so I was a tad disappointed. Oh well.

Sorry for the novel. Here is your reward:

Aunt Gen teasing him with a giant tennis ball that doesn't bounce:

Of course, he has to play soccer too!

Representing!

Our 'Lil Punkin'

My Heart is Heavy

Please pray today for the family of Kayleigh Freeman. She passed away last night at just 11 months old.

I have been following Kayleighs inspirational blog for many many months now. She was born two months after my Bennett was born. She suffered from severe intrauterine growth restriction and was born at 28 weeks weighing only 1 lb. The doctors never thought that she would live, but she did. Not only did Kayleigh survive, but she thrived despite many many obstacles. Kayleigh was the smallest person to ever undergo open heart surgery and survive. She had to have surgery for an infection of her bowels and survived that too. Her parents thought the end was near when she began to experience pulmonary hypertension that the doctors just could not seem to control, no matter what they tried. But she did. She survived and she was on her way home! All she needed to do before she came home was to have a gastrointestinal feeding tube placed so that she could start taking full feedings. But that surgery, a relatively minor procedure in comparison to what she had been through, changed the course. The operation itself went well, but something happened during the procedure that caused Kayleigh to lose all function of her frontal lobe in her brain. The part of her brain that controled her memories, personality, everything that made her who she is, was gone. Her parents never lost faith, always praying for yet another miracle. When it looked like that miracle would not come, her parents began to pray that Kayleigh would be able to come home to the nursery they had prepared for her nearly a year ago to pass away in peace with her parents, brother and sister.

But that was not to be. Last night, the swelling in Kayleigh's brain became too much and she passed away. I am thankful that Kayleigh is no longer in pain, no longer living in the confines of a NICU, no longer attached to so many wires and tubes. She is in God's arms now, where she is perfect and at complete and total peace. But I mourn for her family. There were so many times when Kayleigh beat all impossible odds and they were so hopeful that she would come home and thrive and go on to live a normal life. That this story should end this way, to me, seems so nonsensical.

But I remember back to something very beautiful my friend Veronica said at the funeral of her father, who died very suddenly when we were in college. She said that God must have thought her father was a very special person, and must have a very special plan for him in his heavenly kingdom to take him from her at that time. That is how I feel about Kayleigh. God must have a very special plan for Kayleigh. In the smallest of packages, God was able to show his grace and mercy and power to so many who read her blog. But, lest we not forget that God is not only great when things go well. God is also showing himself to us through her parents. They are in unbelievable pain right now, yet they are still praising God. That is inspirational to see a faith so solid.

Please pray for peace for the Freeman family.

I Make Milk - What's YOUR Super Power???

Since Super Heros are a pervasive theme in our household at the moment (Carter has declared himself to be Spider Man), I thought this t-shirt was quite fitting!!!!

Bennett is going to be 1 in two weeks from today (sob!!!). I wasn't really sure what I was going to do about nursing after he turned 1. When Carter turned 1, I stopped pumping during the day and just nursed him whenever I was home with him. He continued to nurse until he was 18 months when he decided he was too busy to sit still any longer.


I absolutely loved nursing Carter and was really proud that I was able to nurse him until he was 18 months old. I always assumed I'd do the same with Bennett. But nursing has been SUCH a struggle for us. Because he was born very premature, I wasn't able to even put him to the breast until he was 5 weeks old. Even then, the doctors in the NICU only let us "practice" twice a day for ten minutes at a time. After he figured out how to eat from a bottle, he decided he wanted nothing to do with the "mumsie" and refused to latch until he was about 4 months old. I saw so many lactation consultants and persevered. You see, I lost almost every sense of "normalcy" with my pregnancy and Bennett's birth that usually comes with having a baby - I wasn't about to give up nursing. It was so important to me. When Bennett came off of oxygen completely at 6.5 months old, he miraculously started to take full feedings from the breast! I was amazed, as I never thought it would be possible for him to do so since he suffers from chronic lung disease and horrible reflux. But he did it - and I was in heaven! So, I only really started nursing about 5 months ago. Sure, I've been pumping every 2-3 hours around the clock for nearly a year, and its been totally worth it to give him the best stuff on earth. But...I hate the pump!

So, my dilemma was - do I stop pumping at 1 year and risk losing my supply (which is delicate because he was never a great nurser), or do I forge ahead and suck it up? Well, I decided my new goal is to get until July 11, 2009 - the day when Bennett should have turned 1. I just bought a 3 months supply of domperidone (medicine that helps keep my supply up), and brushed away any thoughts of quitting for now. When I consider how delicate Bennett's immune system is (breastmilk passes mommy's immunities to baby!), and how TINY he is (he's about the size of a 6 month old right now), how could I make any other choice?? So, for today at least - I'm affording myself Super Hero status.

And in honor of T-shirt week - here is my precious Bennett Boo in his "got breastmilk?" onesie my friend Alice Anne gave me!!

I couldn't decide between the two photos :)

I'll also take this opportunity to get on my "Breast is Best" soapbox! I'm not saying that formula is, as a friend put it "the devil's brew" (we have to supplement with formula sometimes), but there just is no disputing the awesomeness of breastmilk. It is THE perfect nutrition for YOUR child! Even when Bennett was premature, my body knew to make milk of the perfect composition for a premature baby. Tell me that isn't amazing! Preemies in particular NEED breastmilk as formula is just too difficult for their immature digestive systems to process and it can lead to a very life-threatening infection of the bowels. In case you harbor any lingering doubts - check out this kick-butt article - 101 Reasons to Breastfeed. The short and long term benefits to both mother AND baby are tremendous. I highly recommend it :)

So fellow Super Mommies - let's give each other a high-five! Post in the comments how many months you've given your child(ren) cumultively any amount of breast milk!

For me: Carter 18 months

Bennett 11.5 months

Total - 29.5 months!

Who am I and Why do I blog?

Short Answer: My name is Elle and I like to talk and to share my experiences and thoughts with others! I'm a wife, a mommy to two wonderful boys, a lawyer, a sister to several and a friend to many. I'm committed to living my life with passion and fulfilling the purposes God has given me!


Long Answer: My real name is Chantelle. But I like Elle. Its easier to pronounce and not so easy to mispell. I am married to my high school sweet heart, Ace, since August 9, 2003. We have an interesting, yet perfect relationship. I doubt you'll meet two people so opposite that mesh together so well! We were blessed with our first son Carter Armando on March 12, 2005. Carter is a little firecracker - full of personality, charisma and energy. Then on Cinco de Mayo (May 5th if you don't follow...), 2008, our second son, Bennett Steven was born. Bennett has a story unto himself - having been born 10 weeks premature after my water broke at only 24 weeks of pregnancy. I am sure I'll be covering topics related to that here, but if you want the full story (and to see a living breathing mircacle!), visit http://www.bennettsjourney.blogspot.com/. Bennett is the sweetest little boy, and as his grandmother puts it - "he exudes peace."

For years now, I have been told by various friends that I need to write a book titled "Elle's Guide to Life." Unfortunately, I am entirely too ADD to committ to writing an entire book. Blogging, however, I enjoy, and I can do that! So, here you have my crazy rantings and ramblings based on my thoughts and experiences about all things big and small. I conceive of this to be an interactive forum with discussion and perhaps a little lively debate! Just play nice and keep it respectful and I'm sure we'll all learn and grow from each other!

So without further adieu, let's begin!

Elle