Worth it

It's a good thing he's worth it.

If you've noticed the new grey hairs and wrinkles I've acquired in the last two years, its not old age. I'm a few months shy of 29! Nope, I've got one word for you - Bennett.

Worry. Bennett. Worry. I'm starting to think they are synonyms.

He's happy. He's progressing. He's relatively healthy. But still, I worry. I can't help it. I'm his mommy.

Having a child with special medical needs sure takes a lot of you. I should be grateful, because I know others face much bigger challenges than we do. But we deal with a lot.

I keep a medical journal for Bennett. Here is what's been going on lately:

12/30 - Bennett Synagis shot.
1/7 - Bennett appointment with pulmonologist - she's not a happy doc, ordered sweat test and another increase in calories.
1/25 - Sweat test for cystic fibrosis at Childrens National. Negative!!!
1/29 - Bennett Synagis shot. Nurse Prac worried because no weight gain in past 3 months. Conference call Monday morning, most likely a GI an Endo consult.
2/1 - Speech therapy - still delayed but progressing along well at his own pace.
2/12 - Bennett starts wheezing in the morning, but nightfall he's back on oral steroids.
2/13 - Bennett barely made it through the night without a trip to the ER and that is WITH the steroids - take him to the Pediatrician and she gives him Atrovent which opens him right now. He has a sneaky ear infection, so she prescribes him antibiotics for that too. Phew - we escaped the dreaded hospital again! Score!
2/16 - Weaned Bennett off the oral steroids.
2/23 - Took Bennett to the Pediatric Gastroenterology Clinic at Johns Hopkins. The doc who saw him said we're doing everything right - adding in extra calories and fats and trying to eek in every calorie we can. So, he ordered a TON of bloodwork to try to see what the heck is causing Bennett's Failure to Thrive. Plebotomists were incompetent and dug in his arm for several minutes before determining they couldn't tap a vein. So I have to take him back. Lovely.

Everyday, we spend 40 minutes giving him breathing treatments. Everyday, I measure out his medications. Everyday, I mentally tally up how many calories he's eaten.

Its so much. Unrelenting. I thought that if I make it far enough along in my pregnancy, he'd be fine! I made it 30 weeks! Six weeks past my complete rupture and nine weeks past the point when I started leaking fluid. Everything I've read says 30-weekers tend to have very few long-term medical issues! Most outgrow the effects of prematurity by age two.

Not Bennett. Like my friend W said - they don't have a growth chart for Bennett's special circumstances. Nor is there a "What to Expect." I never know what to expect. When I go in expecting great news - I am faced with disappointment. When I go in with a laundry list of worries, the docs gush about how great he is doing. I never know.

Screw law school. I should have gone to medical school. Maybe then I'd feel more qualified to be a mother to this precious little miracle.

Its a darn good thing he's worth it! Worth every bit of it.

On a side note - Bennett went poopy in the potty for the first time today!!!! GO BENNETT!!!

The Business of Being Born

Last night, I hosted a viewing party for the documentary The Business of Being Born, produced by Ricki Lake. A group of wonderful, intelligent women gathered in my home to discuss the state of obstetrical care in America over appetizers and wine (for those of us not knocked up!).

While my shrimp appetizer didn't come out quite as planned (read: you had to have jaws of steel to chew it, but the lemon aioli was to die for!), I felt like the rest of the night went off perfectly! Seven women from all different backgrounds and experiences gathered together to discuss a topic that affects nearly every woman at some point in her life.

The mission of the film was to address this question - "Should most births be viewed as a natural life process, or should every delivery be treated as as a potential medical emergency?"

The film did an amazing job of highlighting what, unfortunately, has become birthing status quo in America - a healthy woman comes into the hospital for what should be a completely normal delivery, but is pushed into undergoing a series of interventions, that lead to more interventions, that ultimately lead to cesarean section for one out of every three births, and other unfortunate results. The snowball effect.

I've posted my birth story with Carter before on here, but I am the poster child for the snow ball effect. Because of that experience, I have become passionate on the issue of child birth, and believe that every woman should strive to keep the process as natural as possible! I definitely believe in modern medicine, and know that there are times when interventions are necessary (i.e. my cesarean with Bennett), but for the vast majority of women, all they need to do is let their bodies do what they are programmed to do!

As the film highlights, "In America, midwives attend less than 8% of all births and less than 1% of those occur outside a hospital. At the same time, the US has the second worst newborn death rate in the developed world." Wow. "The five countries with the lowest infant mortality rates in the March of Dimes report -- Japan, Singapore, Sweden, Finland and Norway – midwives were used as their main source of care for 70 percent of the birthing mothers." Interesting.

What pains me is that birth interventions have become so common place in our country, that most women don't even question it anymore. By way of example, let's talk about the use of Pitocin - a synthetic form of the hormone oxytocin used to cause contractions. A survey done in 1998 showed that approximately 81% of women are given Pitocin to either induce or augment labor. However, the studies consistently show that Pitocin only helps in 3-5% of labors! Overkill much? So, what is the big deal, you ask? Pitocin has been shown to cause harder, longer, more painful contractions, that over the course of labor puts more and more stress on the baby, which in turns often causes drops in the fetal heart rate. Pitocin requires continual electronic fetal monitoring, which restricts a woman's ability to move during labor, and consequently, her ability to cope with pain. Pitocin also increases the risk of cesarean delivery. Half of all first time mothers induced with Pitocin will end up with a cesarean. I've also recently read some academic papers that are questioning a link between the use of Pitocin and the increase in the rate of Autism, but no major studies have been done yet on this issue, to my knowledge.

If you get Pitocin, you pretty much are stuck with getting an Epidural. (I tried to go without an Epidural for 13 hours while in labor on Pitocin, and let me tell you - it ain't pretty). Over 60% of women in labor in this country get an Epidural anyway (and in most metropolitan areas, that rate is as high as 95%). An Epidural may seem heavenly at the time, because yeah, labor hurts. But let me tell you why its not a great idea - if you have an epidural, you are numb from the waist down; which means you are very limited in your ability to move and get into optimal positioning for birth (i.e. NOT on your back!). Epidurals have also been shown to lengthen and stall labor, and is the single most common factor shown to cause "failure to progress" because it slows the release of oxytocin (which means you'll probably get Pitocin, if you haven't already). And what really sucks is that in 20% of cases where an epidural is given, it either fails completely or partially! Plus, the medical risks are nothing to laugh at: fetal heart decelerations, maternal hypotension (low blood pressure), increase rate of forcep or vacuum assisted delivery, chronic pain at the injection site (mine lasted 6 months after Bennett!), prolonged epidural headache, increased risk of pulmonary embolism, and more. Yet, how many doctors give you a run down of these potential risks before agreeing to administer an epidural? I doubt very many.

The plain truth is, MOST woman (93-95% depending on which study you look at) can have a completely natural, uncomplicated birth. The fact is that we ourselves complicate our own births. We are causing the increased rate of fetal and maternal death, and other poor consequences associated with these interventions.

It makes me so very sad.