Isn't It Ironic?

Isn't it ironic ...

*  That every time you put a clean cover on the changing pad, the baby immediately finds a way to soil it?  The same thing goes for new sheets on the bed.

*  That every time your kid swears to you he's so sick he is DYING and you rush him to the pediatrician or emergency room, once you get there he is all of a sudden fine?

*  That every time you finally get the laundry completely DONE, the kids change into pajamas and the laundry bins are half full again (and in this situation, half full does not connote optimism)?

*  That without fail, your toddler manages to have an accident, or your baby a blow out, the one time you forget to shove a spare outfit into the diaper bag?

*  How kids ONLY ever seem to puke on MOM???

*   That every time your child swears he's looked everywhere for his shoes, homework, special toy, etc., it ends up being right where you told him it was in the first place?  Selective blindness maybe?

And the list goes on and on.  Its enough to drive any mother to repeatedly bang her head against the wall.  Oh, the joys.....

Books for Baby

When Carter was a baby, we read to him obsessively. I have a vivid memory of him at two weeks old, curled up between Ace and I in bed, reading Dr. Seuss' ABC's. Ace and I marveled at how attentive he was and concluded that certainly our newborn was a genius! (you know, typical new parent stuff!). I was hooked on reading to him. Its no wonder that at the age of 1, Carter could tell us the names of all the animals and their sounds (except giraffes, they don't make any sounds), and the colors. By 18 months, we were having conversations with him! Albeit simplistic. He could already sing the ABC song! Perhaps it was just his natural aptitude, or perhaps it was the endless hours of reading we did together. Who knows!

So, of course, I would do the same thing with Bennett, right?? Sadly, no. I haven't. I read to him here and there, and I know his Lolo reads to him during the day. But, I haven't invested the same level of commitment in reading to him as I did Carter. And I swore I wouldn't burden him with second-child syndrome... There just never seemed to be enough time in the day once I had two kiddos to nurture. And Bennett just never seemed to love reading the way Carter did. So, I slacked. Yes, what an awful confession.

So, Bennett is nearly 18 months old. The only words he says are "light" and "Ace." Granted, he was a very-early preemie, with chronic lung disease to boot, so speech delays are to be expected. Yet, I can't shake this sick feeling that part of that is my fault. Perhaps, if I had been reading to him every single night all this time, he wouldn't be delayed? I recently learned that the bulk of speech development doesn't start until 18 months, when they begin to learn up to 10 new words a day - I still have time to redeem myself as a mother! So, I've re-committed.

For the past month, I've been reading at least one book to Bennett every single day. I've discovered that he does indeed LOVE books. Now, when I go to the library, I excitedly scour the shelves looking for titles that will rapture him! Recently, I've discovered two books that Bennett particularly loves, and decided I must share them with you all!

The first is Pots and Pans by Patricia Hubbell. Its a sing-songy book about a little boy who makes music in the kitchen. Bennett signs "more" everytime we finish the book!
The second favorite is All of Baby Nose to Toes by Victoria Adler. The book goes through the various body parts of baby, and I kiss each part on Bennett when the books proclaims "Who loves baby's eyes? Me! I do!" Bennett squeals with delight. And toddlers looooove identifying body parts. (Although, Bennett points to his cheeks still when we ask him where his eyes are...)

You should also check out Oprah's Reading List for Babies (she has lists for all ages!) for ideas too! Reading, and the love thereof, is afterall, one of the best gifts we can give our children!

I'm a Soccer Mom!!!

After 4.5 long and grueling years of waiting with great anticipation for our first-born child to enter the whirlwind world of extra-curriculars, Carter did so on Friday, simultaneously marking my inception into the genre of "soccer mom."

Soccer wasn't exactly my or Ace's first choice of sport, since neither of us have ever really been all that interested in soccer. But we were lured in by the promise of Carter constantly running the field, which we idealistically believed would later translate into a solid (and early) night of sleep for our Pre-K'er. Well, the sleep didn't so much result, but the boy had fun! And that is what matters, isn't it???

(He's in the white shirt and navy shorts, in case you didn't notice).

Of course, little brother cannot resist participating in any activity of his idol (i.e. older bro), and was constantly trying to get in on the practice. He was relegated to the role of water boy for at least another 3 years. Poor Bennett.

Yep, so for the next five Friday afternoons, you can find Ace and I at the soccer field! I actually think this is going to be quite fun!

In the Present

Its so easy to get caught up in the whirlwind of life and forget to really live. I find myself rushing through the mornings and evenings with the kids, just trying to get them dressed and fed. All too often, I'm physically there, but I'm not really THERE with them. My mind is occupied with a million other things. Of course, the busier I am with work and miscellaneous stuff, the more distracted I am.

This morning, I took Carter to the dermatologist. As we were in the waiting room, he and I played a little game where he hid his toy, and I found it. I found myself really being present in the moment - making eye contact, really focusing on him, and blocking out other thoughts from my mind. Wow, what a wonderful time just 15 minutes in the waiting room turned out to be!!! I could tell Carter really was enjoying my undivided attention too. Plus, he was so well behaved! (Isn't most acting out at this age a call for attention??).

So, here's the challenge - when you are with your kids, make eye contact with them, get on their level, block out the world, and just really focus on them! My mid-year resolution is to make a point of being present in the moment when I am with my kids!

Wooden Ears

Carter is four. To anyone who knows any four year olds, that statement says quite a lot! I absolutely love this age, but with it comes new challenges. Right now, the biggest challenge is his newfound selective hearing abilities.

Carter, do you want some ice cream? Yes!!! Gimme gimme gimme!

Carter, can you please pick up the cereal you spilled on the floor? (chirp, chirp) Carter....did you hear me? (silence) Carter??? CARTER??? PICK UP THE CEREAL!! (defeaning silence) IF YOU DON'T PICK UP THAT CEREAL BY THE TIME I COUNT TO THREE, YOU WILL BE IN BIG TROUBLE MISTER!!! (and perhaps maybe now he complies...)

I don't like to yell. Nor do I enjoy repeating myself umpteen times. Of course he hears me, he just thinks that if he ignores me, then he doesn't have to comply with my requests.

Not cool, kiddo!

This weekend, I'd had enough (see a recurring theme??). I implemented a new Wooden Ears Policy. After I ask him once to do something (or cease and desist), I will give him one "free" reminder. If I have to ask a third time, then he loses a privilege (television, computer, playroom, bedtime snack, bedtime story, etc.). If he loses more than two privileges in a day, then he goes to bed early and forfits all of his "Chore Chart" stars for the day. I mean business!!!

So far, so good....I'm really hoping that eventually we can get to a point where he does what I ask the first time he's told. Alas, he is a male, so I won't set my expectations too too high ;)

(Don't) Picture This

It was a beautiful weekend. The sun was shining, there was a gentle breeze, but it wasn't nearly as hot or muggy as it has been here on the East Coast of late. My sweet darling one year old decided both Saturday and Sunday that it would be lovely to rise early to enjoy the brillance of the morning. (Translation: Bennett woke me up at the butt crack of dawn). I spend Saturday diligently cleaning and organizing and laundering. We take a brief break in the afternoon to go buy a fun kiddie pool for the boys and get some dinner. We put the kids to bed and I return to my endless piles of laundry to fold. I read my book (which is turning out to be very good, by the way -->) for a while, watch a movie with Ace (Marley and Me), and crawl into bed at 1:30 a.m. Smart, Elle.

Sunday, again up with the rooster (aka Bennitto), I return to the usual tasks of cleaning house and corralling children. We have to leave for church at 11:30, so at 10:30, I wake Ace up (must be nice, huh?) and ask him to watch the kids, make the bed and make sure Carter gets dressed while I shower and dress. I come out of the shower to the sound of children crying in my bedroom. Carter and Bennett were there alone, and Bennett just got a head bump and was wailing. I scoop Bennett up to console him and yell for Ace.

Ace informs me that he just cannot take it (the screaming) anymore and he's going to take a shower. Bennett decides he wants to nurse (I am, afterall, topless) and just latches on to me without warning. Nice. My hair is sopping wet, I have a kid hanging off my chest, and Carter is bouncing off the walls. Meanwhile, Ace proceeds to shower and dress, and I'm STILL NAKED. Because a girl can't get 20 minutes of peace I 'spose. I snap. Hell hath no fury like an overly-stressed woman. I'm SCREAMING at Ace - "You never help me around the house," "You have no regard for our routines," yada, yada, yada, only slightly exaggerating or over-generalizing. All the while...still naked (please, don't picture it, it ain't pretty).

I look back at how comical it was at the time, but an important realization was reached by both of us yesterday morning ... The stress of work (which, by the way, I got an email from my boss this morning saying to prepare myself, we're about to get even busier...), the stress of my futile attempts to keep my house clean and orderly, and the severe lack of free time to enjoy my children or (gasp!) some time to myself - well, lets just say I've had enough. Now, don't beat up Ace (because he reads this) - he does contribute, its just not enough and his standards aren't quite as high as mine. But if want to save our sanity (and our marriage, apparently, lol), something has GOT to give.

So...we decided to hire back our cleaning service. They come twice a month and do all the deep cleaning. We'll still have the basic every day stuff (which is more than enough, believe you me) to do, but this will at least ensure that twice a month, my house is clean, and I don't have to do it! Maybe now I can get to some of the other projects (like writing thank you notes for Bennett's birthday...) that get strewn to the wayside. Screw being frugal - I'd rather be sane!!

So, don't picture me naked and screaming with a kid hanging off my chest...but do picture my house clean and tidy and me calm and relaxed :) That's the hope at least!!!!

Push and Pull

Good news - Bennett is home now from the hospital! He is doing well so the docs decided he could come home - thank the Lord! You can read about the adventure here if you are bored. Sorry for the typos in my prior post - I sent it from my cell phone. Gotta love technology...

So, this is what I was planning to blog about last night before Bennett changed my itinerary - the perpetual conflict that rages inside the heads of working moms.

My best friend returned to work full time yesterday from maternity after having her first child - a very cute little boy named Elijah. It reminded me of those early days when I was finding my bearings as a working mom and how difficult they were. Not difficult logistically, as in actually DOING it. But difficult emotionally. I wanted to work. But I didn't want to be away from my new baby! But I did want a bit of a break from his incessant crying and some adult interaction.

I actually had a pretty sweet gig going when Carter was born. I started working as a law clerk when Carter was 10 weeks old. I worked 8-4 and never had to bring home work. So, I had 4:30 on each night with him, and of course, the wee early morning hours as well. But that didn't stop me from counting each day how many hours I spent with him. Yep, I would calculate the percentage of his waking hours he spent with me versus away from me. Neurotic much?? The reality is, I wanted the best of both worlds - to get to get out and work on my career and be "me" not just "mommy," and also to be the biggest presence and influence in my son's life. What's so wrong with that??

But the guilt...oh the guilt!! I never felt like I was doing a good-enough job of achieving that delicate balance, particularly after I returned to law school full time when Carter was 6 months old, while still working part-time for my firm and serving as an editor on a law journal (dare ya to try that!) . Work has taken an even more predominant role in my life now that I don't have set working hours, but rather minimum billable hours that I am required (impossibly it seems) to meet. While I don't count hours anymore (I vowed not to do that anymore - its not good for my mental health), the push and pull between work and my children extrapolates with time. Now that I have two (wonderful and amazing) children, that precious time is divided by two. And my energy and focus is divided by 4 it seems.

These days, I find my mind wandering further and further from work and closer to my children. I'd lie if I said my work performance didn't suffer. I can't help it though. I love my babies! But sometimes, I gotta work. Like today. Bennett was discharged at 11 a.m. and I had to relinquish baby care to Ace for several hours this afternoon so I could prepare for a phone conference this afternoon. Bennett, of course, survived and Ace took great care of him. It was hard though, getting my head into lawyer mode, when it was desperately longing to be in mommy mode.

I wonder if men feel this way? Do men agonize about whether or not they are spending enough quality time with their children?? Do men feel horrible guilt over wanting to pursue their own goals and dreams? Are women just hard-wired to feel this way?

We don't "do" the Easter Bunny

Just so you know. I was asked no less than three times yesterday if I had taken the boys to see the Easter Bunny yet. There are several reasons why I have not and will not do so, not the least of which are:

1. I have an immunodeficient infant who is taken into public sparingly during cold/flu season, and certainly not to a shopping mall to sit on the same grimey lap of a costumed character that has held hundreds of snotty nosed kids of late;

2. The sight of a gigantic anthropomorphic rabbit would probably scare the wits out of at least one of my children (not saying who...); but most importantly,

3. Easter isn't about the Easter Bunny!

Now, I don't think the Easter Bunny is evil or anything. And I don't judge others for introducing it to their children; its just not for us. For Christians, Easter is the holiest of all our religious holidays. The Easter Bunny is a mere symbol of the commercialization of what should be a strictly religious holiday. And well... in my estimation, the Easter Bunny is just kind of cheesy. In my view of how we should celebrate Christ's dying and rising again, mixing Christ and the Easter Bunny together just don't seem to mesh.

I'm not a complete party-pooper though, as we still give our children Easter baskets filled with all the normal ecoutrements of candy and toys. We just tell them that it is from mommy and daddy - a gift to celebrate God's gift to us!

(And in case you were wondering, I don't have similar misgivings about Santa Claus).

This year, however, things have become a little complicated. And now I face the challenge of how to explain the amazing complexity of Jesus' death and rising to my four year old. Carter was first introduced to the concept of death from a book on Safari animals given to him by his grandmother while I was in the hospital last spring on bedrest. It depicted a scene where several lions are feasting on the body of a dead zebra. He was disturbed yet fascinated with this scene and for weeks would continually come back to it and stare and ask me profound questions like "But why mom?" I do not think, though, that he had made the connection that if animals can die, so can people. Until recently that is, when I tried to explain to him the whole concept of the resurrection.

But that opens a whole big can of worms and I find myself trying to explain concepts that are difficult for even adults to grasp.

"Where is Jesus now mom? I can't see him?"

"If Jesus lives in my heart, how can he live in your heart too?"

"Where is heaven, mom? I can't see it." (I don't dare try to explain the concept of hell yet)

"How come when I prayed to Jesus and asked for the toy I wanted, I didn't get it?"

I give him the simplest explanations I can think of to his inquiries, and forgivingly, his preschooler mind moves on. For a few minutes at least, until he returns to the topic declaring:

"Let's be like the Incredibles mom. Bennett can change into a lion, then a bug, then snake. And you and daddy and me can wham bam and beat those mean people who hurt Jesus!"

So, we've traded the Easter bunny for super heros! I'll take that. And I'll take any tips you've got for explaining the metaphysical complexities of Christianity to my four year old!

A day in the life of Elle...

Tonight I suffer from "I've sat on my butt and can't get up" syndrome. I need to get up and do about a gazillion things, but my energy and motivation are both sapped. Perhaps this is due to the fact that Carter was up 2/3 of the night last night puking. So, I only really slept from 3 a.m. to 5:30 a.m. when Bennett woke up to eat. Or perhaps I've just become lazy. Maybe both.

One thing is for sure, momma needs to make some changes around here and get her act together. I've been blaming my messy house and neglected piles of work on the fact that I'm adjusting to the new challenge of working full time with TWO children, instead of the one I had mastered previously. But, um....Bennett is 11 months old now. Its time I dug my heels in the ground and whipped my life into shape, don't ya think??? The problem is that now I have twice as much that needs to be done in half the time. So, I need to learn how to be more efficient (just when I thought that wasn't possible)!

This is a sampling of a day in the life of Elle:

5:30 a.m. - I wake up to feed Bennett. If I'm not being a TOTAL lazy bum (which I am about 9 times out of 10), I will trudge down to the basement and crawl onto to treadmill in a pathetic effort to shed these last 10 (or 15....0r 20....you take your pick) pounds of baby weight. If I AM being a lazy bum, I will crawl back in bed until I start getting that panicky feeling in my stomach that if I don't get up soon, the whole morning will crash down around me (i.e. the children will wake up). So then I shower and get dressed.

7:30 a.m. - The monsters...er...children...begin waking for the day. Most mornings I have to toss Bennett on top of Carter to slobber on him and pull his hair in order to compel his butt into action. Then Bennett and Carter "race" to see who can get dressed the fastest, with Carter whining and screeching "no mom...don't let Bennett win!!!" the whole while. Once that monumentous task is accomplished, I drag them downstairs for breakfast. Carter spends 30 minutes trying to decide what to eat for breakfast. I throw some Cheerios on Bennett's tray while I set about making my and Carter's lunches for the day. I yell at Carter to EAT and then I pack my pump bag and my work bag and then Carter's school bag. Then, if I have a minute or two left, I yell at Carter again that he's going to starve unless he inhales his food in the next two minutes, and then I inhale my food (oatmeal with peanut butter and berries every.single.morning - its supposed to be good for breastfeeding). Then I yell at Carter to PLEASE brush his teeth now and find his shoes. Then I yell at Ace to PLEASE get Bennett's bottle ready, he's starting to melt down.

8:15, or 8:30, or 8:45, and sometimes on a really bad day, 9:15 - Carter and I leave the house. I drop Carter off at preschool, 9 times out of 10 exasperatedly apologizing to his teacher for him being late once AGAIN and coming up with some lame excuse as to why. Then I battle my fellow commuters all the way down I-95 and try to sneak into my office without any of the partners noticing how late it is....

Somewhere between 9 and 10 a.m. - I plant myself behind my computer and start to work. Or... check emails, check blogs, check message boards, update my Facebook status... Then I freak out that thirty minutes (or an hour) has passed and I haven't billed a single minute yet. So, then I fervently work for a few hours until I get distracted by the internet once again. Then I waste more time playing around, then panic because "omg, I have to leave in two hours and I still haven't finished drafting this stupid motion or called back opposing counsel or researched that issue..." You'd think I would LEARN my lesson, huh? But I've already explained to you all that I am insane.

5:00 - Ace begins to send me panicky emails, text messages or IMs inquiring as to when I will be home. By 5:30 I usually give in and log off and crawl back onto I-95 for the northward commute home. I usually hit a decent amount of traffic at this time, so I take advantage of the downtime to harass my mom with yet another phone call, or my best friend if she has a minute free from her newborn son to listen to my nonsense. If I've phone stalked everyone on my Contacts list enough in recent history, I resort to listening to books on tape. I know, I sound like my dad now...

6:00 - It hardly matters what time I leave the office, I always seem to get home at 6. I greet the children who attach themselves to me like barnacle and try to use any free appendages I may have to cook dinner. Ace greets me with a hello if I'm lucky, but usually with the same old "I'm crazy busy today" and heads back up to his office. He reappears for 30 minutes after dinner is ready to eat with us (how nice of him) and then disappears again, usually for the remainder of the night.

7:00 - I bathe Bennett. Carter either "helps" me or plays on the computer or causes some brand of mischief around the house. Then I nurse Bennett and put him to bed.

7:30 - I fight with Carter for 30 minutes about whether or not its a bath night and whether he can go to the basement to play for "just a little bit." I usually cave under the pleading of his big brown eyes, and we spend some quality time together. Then I get him his "bednight" snack and read him his "bednight story(ies)" and say goodnight. That usually happens around 9 p.m. His bedtime is supposed to be 8:30, but since Bennett emerged on the scene, it just isn't possible.

So, at this point, as you can clearly see, I'm exhausted. So, I find myself sitting here tonight staring at the mounds of dishes to be done, a kitchen to clean up, a basket full of laundry to fold, Cheerios to pick up off the floor, several HOURS of work to make up for since I was a lazy bum at the office today, and the clock advancing all too quickly.

I know what I need to do, I just can't bring myself to do it because, well...my butt hit the chair. Now I can't peel myself off. And therein lies my problem. I need to get rid of all my chairs.

So, tell me please - how can I get my mojo back? Or where can I buy a new one???

Who am I and Why do I blog?

Short Answer: My name is Elle and I like to talk and to share my experiences and thoughts with others! I'm a wife, a mommy to two wonderful boys, a lawyer, a sister to several and a friend to many. I'm committed to living my life with passion and fulfilling the purposes God has given me!


Long Answer: My real name is Chantelle. But I like Elle. Its easier to pronounce and not so easy to mispell. I am married to my high school sweet heart, Ace, since August 9, 2003. We have an interesting, yet perfect relationship. I doubt you'll meet two people so opposite that mesh together so well! We were blessed with our first son Carter Armando on March 12, 2005. Carter is a little firecracker - full of personality, charisma and energy. Then on Cinco de Mayo (May 5th if you don't follow...), 2008, our second son, Bennett Steven was born. Bennett has a story unto himself - having been born 10 weeks premature after my water broke at only 24 weeks of pregnancy. I am sure I'll be covering topics related to that here, but if you want the full story (and to see a living breathing mircacle!), visit http://www.bennettsjourney.blogspot.com/. Bennett is the sweetest little boy, and as his grandmother puts it - "he exudes peace."

For years now, I have been told by various friends that I need to write a book titled "Elle's Guide to Life." Unfortunately, I am entirely too ADD to committ to writing an entire book. Blogging, however, I enjoy, and I can do that! So, here you have my crazy rantings and ramblings based on my thoughts and experiences about all things big and small. I conceive of this to be an interactive forum with discussion and perhaps a little lively debate! Just play nice and keep it respectful and I'm sure we'll all learn and grow from each other!

So without further adieu, let's begin!

Elle